Eating redneck in sofla

The closest Cracker Barrel to the “Fort Lauderdale Beach home where I was born” is just off of 95 on the Boca/Deerfield Beach border. An interesting fact in itself, considering that there has probably never been a Jew in the damn restaurant. For the life of me I just can’t imagine Mrs. Goldfarb ordering country ham, grits and red eye gravy. You would figure they would have built it in Davie or something. At least there used to be rednecks in Davie. But considering the fact I can’t drive to the Loveless Cafe for a southern grease fest, the Cracker Barrel is my only real option. When you arrive at one of these establishments of fine cuisine, they take your name and call you on the loudspeaker (between Hank Williams songs) and let you know when your table is ready. The guy who works at the sfla CB calling the names for folks waiting for their table is a pleasant Haitian gentlemen. And you will hear him proudly pronounce “Tbaw bwa bloo, migshg forfdh, Tbaw bwa bloo blee whebly.” Roughly translated that’s: “Table for two, Mister Ford, table for two is ready.” So you gotta pay really close attention. I usually stand pretty close to the hostess station and read the list to see when he is going to call my name. It’s pretty much the only option. It’s also amusing to see the tourists puzzled look by this rather unique sfla CB experience.

On this particular visit, our waitress was a very pleasant Hispanic girl in her 20’s. You know, good Spanglish, the dark lip-liner and spicy complexion. If I were a gambling man I would bet that before getting the gig at Cracker Barrel, she didn’t have a clue what the hell a grit was. I was out of the breakfast mood by this time so I decided to go with the best grease item ever created: The Chicken Fried Steak. Upon placing my order, she gave me a confused puppy dog look and looked at the menu, “Do you mean the “Country Fried Steak?” “Of course that’s what I mean, yes, thank you!” Maybe next time I’ll ask for the Palomio (sic) Steak breaded and fried in grease, hold the bananas.