ramblings and propaganda

The majority of us say that we are more or less sexually satisfied. 60 percent of the folks involved in the worldwide Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey have gone on record that their sexual activity is fun, enjoyable, and a vital part of their life. … According to the Durex Sexual Wellbeing Survey the most important lesson of their research is that we all need to devote more time and energy to our sex lives along with a little romance and fun.

The MobileMe service was touted as a companion for the updated iPhone 3G with Exchange “push” features that would supply home users with many of the same advantages found on corporate Exchange servers. … Jobs’ goes on to imply that Apple might have bitten off more than it could chew with the simultaneous MobileMe/iPhone 3G launch, that it “was a mistake to launch MobileMe at the same time as iPhone 3G, iPhone 2.0 software and the App Store.

Despite the news of threats of violent crimes in the nations public schools, Government statistics released by the National School Safety Center in 2006 show violent crime in schools has actually been on the decline. … Their 4-step program recommends keeping your kids involved in afterschool activities, providing access to child care programs for all children, identifying troubled and disruptive children at an early age and prevention of child abuse at home paired with counseling for deficient and high-risk parents.

Have you ever stretched the truth on your resume? Maybe just a little? According to the results of a new survey undertaken by careerbuilder.com, more of us have puffed up our resumes that you might think. Just under half of the hiring and HR managers surveyed said they had caught a job candidate lying on a resume, while only eight percent of the job seekers admitted to stretching the truth. Clearly somebody’s not telling the truth here.

The survey notes that if you get caught with a little misinformation on your resume, it’s not going to sit well with the hiring manager. Close to 60 percent of the job decision makers said that they would automatically remove the candidate from consideration. Still, if you like to play the odds, fibbing on a resume did work out for some. Six percent of job applicants who are caught lying still land the job.

IT, Healthcare and Transportation job applicants are most likely to fudge the facts on their resumes. 59 percent of Transportation and Utilities Human Resource managers said they found lies on resumes, while 57 percent of Information Technology employers discovered falsities. And here’s a real shocker, applicants applying for jobs in the Government sector appear to have the lowest rate of embellished resumes. Employers in Government reported just 45 percent. Who says you can’t trust a politician.

The most common lies on resumes were amplifying responsibilities and skill sets, dates of employment and employment history and academic degrees and job titles. Still, not all of the deceit the hiring managers spotted were just little white lies. The survey asked managers to share some of the most memorable or outrageous lies they had spotted on a resume. Some of the big fat ones included: One applicant who claimed to be a member of the Kennedy Family, claiming to be a member of Mensa, submitting work samples that the interviewer actually did and claiming to be Hispanic when the potential employee was 100 percent Caucasian.

So how can you fill-in in the gaps or make your resume stand out from the crowd without puffing it up with embellishments or even out and out lies? According to Rosemary Haefner, Vice President of Human Resources at CareerBuilder: “Even the slightest embellishment can come back to haunt you and ruin your credibility. Use your cover letter strategically to tell your story, focusing on your strengths and accomplishments and explaining any areas of concern if needed.”

Can you text and chew gum at the same time? The doc at the local emergency room has his doubts.

According to The American College of Emergency Room Physicians, the elite practitioners that have the privilege of doing everything from removing cell phones in places they shouldn’t be to complaints from toddlers with excess bellybutton lint, it’s time to become concerned about the dangers of “text walking.”

We’ve all seen it firsthand, and maybe, just maybe, you’re guilty of it too. Text walking is the indelicate balance of texting on your cell phone and navigating from point A to point B without looking like a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner pinging off walls, people, parking meters and sometimes Mack Trucks.

The good doc’s at ACEP have seen a big uptick in injuries resulting from text walking, ranging from pedestrians stumbling into oncoming traffic to facial lacerations from tripping over your own two feet. Although text walking may have its comical moments, the ER doctors say it’s no laughing matter. There has been at least one reported death attributed to text walking when a man was killed, distracted by his cell phone as he crossed the street.

This new warning from the American College of Emergency Room Physicians is being released, as kids get ready to head back to school. The ER doctors are afraid that there could be a flurry of text walking injuries involving returning students as they catch up with their friends sending and receiving critically important OMG’s and TTYL’s.

You think this is just an American problem? Oh contraire. According to emergency physician Dr. Paul Walsh: “In Ireland, the government developed advertising specifically targeted at teens for this very reason.” The problem is so bad in urban environments here in the good ol’ USA; the Chicago Tribune is reporting that the Sate of Illinois wants to enact a new bill that aims to ban texting or talking on the phone while crossing the streets. In Chicago you could get slapped with a misdemeanor and a $25 fine for walking and using a wireless device while crossing the street. Wonder if that covers GPS too?

It’s doubtless that scurrying urbanites are going to realistically change their text walking habits. It’s just so important that we catch up on the gossip about who’s gonna’ win American Idol and the hygiene habits of Suzy at the Starbucks. With much bravado and chicklet fingered confidence, we’ll boldly proclaim with chest thrust forward in triumphant defiance: “That cross-town bus won’t dare turning me into road kill!”

The ER doctors would just like us to pay more attention to our surroundings. They’re used to seeing us in the emergency room with marbles stuck up our nose or complaining that we have a yellow jaundice tinge to our body parts, only to point out we’ve been eating cheetos without washing before we rubbed our “nose.” Happy texting everyone.

I really wasn’t sure I should post this, but I almost feel I have no choice. I stumbled across this the other day after reading an article on Memri by Saudi Human and Women’s Rights Activist Wajeha Al-Huwaidar on how a large portion of Middle East population views women. Wajeha said this vid was from Iraq, but after a little more digging I learned it was from Syria. Allegedly the 17-year-old girl was beaten and stoned to death for ‘falling in love” with a young man who did not belong to her particular sect or family/social group. Whatever. This is quite possibly the most brutal thing I have ever seen. Watch it at your own risk. I really have no comment on this vid, draw your own conclusions. I think it’s best that way.

A few weeks ago, my sweet girlfriend and I stumbled across a web site with a very large collection of drawings of motorcycles from the 20th century. One that caught our eye was the rather odd yet sexy looking Bohmerland. We had no end to our sophomoric laughter over the darling duck of a bike and even pondered pulling up to one of the beach bars frequented by the motorcycle ‘illete in full classic retro-vintage teutonic biker regalia and parking it next to the damn Harley ‘bar-hoppers’ we have come to despise. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see the faces of the tattoo laden, testosterone injected idiots on their manly bikes as we tooled up wearing a smoking jacket and silk scarves on our Bohmerland!

Anyway, to make a long story short, The gf unit found a Bohmerland tee-shirt available on the interwebernet and decided to order it for me. Hey, if you can’t have the bike, you can at least have the tee-shirt. My god, I wonder if any of these beautiful and sexy motorcycles are still in one piece and available for sale? As it turns out, the tee-shirt is coming from Taiwan. Figures the Asians are the only ones with enough brains and style to understand the beauty of this splendiferous bike. Unfortunately, the shirt got tied up in customs or something and is being delayed. Below is a cut and paste of the email from the seller explaining the lateness of the shipment. This points out another fascination of mine…. Engrish! My god how I love it so.

Hi friend

This email create for send many one to report this problem. Many items more 140 bags reback to me today!!!! Because there are big problem from post office servicer who take it all for me that days…

i just open impeach BANGNA stage Postoffice to refund me the fees to send of 142 items because this problem happen from the bloomer of post servicer! it make 142 items can not ship out from thailand, the bloomer between SAL sevice and AIRMAIL service.. it not clear,i do not know why happen so cracy! 3 weeks ago all of my items that send by him, pass at airport untill reback to me today..!!!

i need to let you know this problem how ever i will ship it again tomorrow, i think not more 10-20 day will arrive, hope you understand this , you know!! many customer ask for there items, i am worry and wonder too, why not arrive until today..

if you need more information please contact me i welcome to ans you all about this sosorry to make you wait more 15 days please sympathize

I got’s no idea what it means? Other than the fact I will have to wait to don my new sporting Bohmerland moto-cycle tee.

OK, So I’ve been looking for work, for just about six months now. I’m not going to go into great detail about the foibles of who I’ve talked to or what’s transpired. But it has been very interesting. It seems these days, since I’ve been at this radio thing for quite a while now, and worked in mostly large markets, that quite a lot of potential employers in middle-sized markets, or even markets under top 10, won’t even consider me for a gig. I get lot’s of notes that essentially add up to… “what, are you crazy, why would someone with your background even consider this gig?” But, that’s not what I’m gonna talk about. Today, it’s my rant on the ads that potential employers run in the “trades.”

Some of the ads I see in the “help wanted” sections of the radio trades really do perplex and amaze me, and occasionally I’ll see some really moronic postings on the “big” corporate radio job boards as well. God, I wish I would have taken a screen-shot of one I saw just last week. This guy (or gal) posted for a talent for I believe a CHR or maybe it was a streamer. Ahhh, my memory isn’t what it used to be. Anyway, in one sentence this poster broke two EOE laws: “(one guy/ one gal) based in LA between the ages of 25-35.” OK, two prerequisites for EOE are “no age or gender discrimination.” For this gig, you have to be between the ages of 25 and 35 and he/she has already told us that he/she has two gigs, but each one is gender specific. How do these people in these hiring positions get away with this! If I was a programmer and posted this, my head would be served to me on a platter. So Mr. or Ms. employer, remember next time make it something like: “You must be relatable to a 25-35 year-old listener, women and minorities are encouraged to apply.” It’s really not that hard chief!

Next we’ll move on to a few fairly recent ads that I’ve run across. I’ll even include a few screen-shots, with the names changed or blurred to protect the innocent. Here’s one for a really big radio division, and this example is more of a pet-peeve of mine than anything directly “wrong” with the posting. OK, it’s for a Director of Programming for a network, the Hispanic division to be exact. All in all, it’s a pretty good posting. You’re gonna need a lot of experience, seven plus years to be exact, have to know how to develop and implement new programming, good… and of course speak Spanish. Makes sense, it’s for a Hispanic network. And make sure that you know Arbitron and how to handle research. No problem. Now here’s the kicker….. You have to know how to use Microsoft Office! WHAT! Wait a second here. If the guy or gal that they find is a programming whiz, has all the tools necessary to make a great product, make what comes out of the speakers really hum, who gives a damn if they know how to use Microsoft Office! If they’re really that good, hire them a damn secretary. I can see it now, “We have a great candidate for the Hispanic network, they are really great at programming and development and can really make the network sound better and get more ratings than anyone else on the planet, but they don’t know how to calculate on an XL spreadsheet.” Oh brother. Besides, who the hell doesn’t know how to type a letter in Word these days? Maybe I’m assuming too much here, but there is just so much wrong here… on so many levels.

Remember that EOE thing? Sorry, you have to have a vagina for this gig! My God, how do they get away with it. I love the rest of the posting, it’s short and sweet and right to the point. “Strong opinions and handle lot’s of calls.” Right on, my kind of talk programmer! But if I have to get a sex change for the gig, I think that might qualify as an EOE problem. Come on, have some “balls” next time, put in a slug line that says, “vagina’s only need apply.” or “sorry, no penises in this position.”

One of my personal pet-peeves is posting for PD or talent gigs that require some kind of specific computer skills tied to a particular application. Take this ad for example… This is an ad for a medium market PD overseeing a couple of radio stations. It pretty much runs through the entire litany of duties that any PD would be expected to handle, but you have to know Cool Edit and Prophet. All of this sounds very logical, until you start to dig around a little bit under the dirty underbelly of what’s really going on here. What if you’re more familiar with ProTools? What if you’ve only used another automation app? Who really cares! What really matters here is can the individual make the product that emanates from the transmitter more compelling, get more listeners and in return, more ratings! Can they make a good product! As one very, very wise Programmer once told me, and he/she told me many very smart things, but all else pales in comparison to this little piece of advice: “All that matters is what comes out out of the speakers.” The damn audio editor and automation software and all the other crap lying around a radio station are just widgets. Tools that in the right hands, can be used to make what comes out of the speakers worth listening to. To make better radio! Remember, that’s what we do! We make entertaining and compelling radio. Fark the tools, make me an exciting product that people want to listen to. The tools are just…. things. A great programmer with a wire recorder and a crappy mic beats a crappy programmer with an HD Signal and a Neuman any day! I guarantee it! Remember our ‘first love,’ audio entertainment that comes out of the speakers. I suspect, but I could be wrong… it’s been known to happen a time or two, that when you see an add that really gets into the specifics of ‘tools’ and ’stuff,’ they really need an office assistant, not a programmer. Eh. Whatever….

One other thing I’ve been seeing a lot of is Programmers who ask that you only snail-mail your demo. OK, I get it, you’re getting scores of emails with huge attachments and the IT guys are after you cause you’re clogging up the corporate Exchange Server. Ya, it’s a hassle. But think of the alternatives… Tons of little padded envelopes with discs and hard copy resumes. Now that seems like a hassle. Gawd, that was one of my least favorite jobs as a programmer. Give me the mp3’s any day! Besides, that is one big ass market over there to the left. Seems somebody there might have some basic computer skills and someone in charge of IT might know how to filter out monster files or something. Of course, there is always some idiot who will send you a link to a password-protected Myspace page, a 50 meg audio file or worse. This one gets to the point:

Just for the record, I’ve seen other ads, much much worse, I just never really took the time to make a screen-shot or two and bitch about it. I guess this kinda’ gets it out of my system, for a while. Here’s an idea! Why not make your resume as a pdf file and embed a quick mp3 demo into the page! The potential employer just gets one file, with your resume, cover letter and demo all in one shebang! Here’s one genius looking for a gig who did just that! (Warning: Gratuitous self-promotion up ahead)

—>> john ford resume and aircheck pdf file

Being unemployed, needless to say, can be a real drag. I mean, how much time in a day can you spend looking for work. After a while, it just becomes relentless. So to find just a little bit of a creative outlet for my splendiferous broadcasting talents, I decided to whip up a little newscast this morning. Oh I just love having editorial control!

So I’m walking down the beach today and a homeless guy comes up to me and says, “Hey, you need some change.” Of course I’m perplexed. From my years in the city I’ve learned to deal with panhandlers the old fashioned way, you mostly ignore them. But this was the first time one has asked me if I needed any spare change. I just kinda looked at him and said the only thing I could think of, “uhhhh no.” This bearded, yet clean looking homeless gentleman says, “Well your jeans are pretty beat up, full of holes, I thought maybe you needed a new pair.” I just sorta smirked. “Hey, are you homeless,” he quipped as I passed. I responded in the only way I could think of. “Aren’t we all, aren’t we all.”

Last night I went and saw local blues guitar slinger Albert Castiglia downtown in Himmershee Village. A couple of my buds have been trying to get me to see him play for quite a few years now. He played his little heart out. Certainly a fine player in this vast wasteland of no respect for talent South Florida. Albert plays that kind of electric blues that attracts the middle-aged white-collar crowd. You know, the same kind that hold down respectable jobs during the week and play biker outlaw on their custom Harley’s on the weekend. Albert has a lot of soul. A very fine player. On a bizarre side note, in his third set, Dennis Rodman walked into the bar and wanted to sing a song. Albert consented. To make a long story short, Rodman wouldn’t get off the stage and screamed and puked into the mic for about a half and hour and made a total ass of himself. It was embarrassing…. Mostly for him, although I’m sure he didn’t realize it or would even care if he did. The downtown barflies gawked. Something you wouldn’t see in New York. There no one would give a shit. The whole scene reinforced to me just how much I don’t fit in here anymore. Not that I really fit in anywhere. ha. Listening this morning to Blind Willie Johnson-”Dark Was the Night, Cold Was the Ground.” It’s got to be the most soulful piece of music recorded in the 20th century.