humor

Can you text and chew gum at the same time? The doc at the local emergency room has his doubts.

According to The American College of Emergency Room Physicians, the elite practitioners that have the privilege of doing everything from removing cell phones in places they shouldn’t be to complaints from toddlers with excess bellybutton lint, it’s time to become concerned about the dangers of “text walking.”

We’ve all seen it firsthand, and maybe, just maybe, you’re guilty of it too. Text walking is the indelicate balance of texting on your cell phone and navigating from point A to point B without looking like a Roomba robotic vacuum cleaner pinging off walls, people, parking meters and sometimes Mack Trucks.

The good doc’s at ACEP have seen a big uptick in injuries resulting from text walking, ranging from pedestrians stumbling into oncoming traffic to facial lacerations from tripping over your own two feet. Although text walking may have its comical moments, the ER doctors say it’s no laughing matter. There has been at least one reported death attributed to text walking when a man was killed, distracted by his cell phone as he crossed the street.

This new warning from the American College of Emergency Room Physicians is being released, as kids get ready to head back to school. The ER doctors are afraid that there could be a flurry of text walking injuries involving returning students as they catch up with their friends sending and receiving critically important OMG’s and TTYL’s.

You think this is just an American problem? Oh contraire. According to emergency physician Dr. Paul Walsh: “In Ireland, the government developed advertising specifically targeted at teens for this very reason.” The problem is so bad in urban environments here in the good ol’ USA; the Chicago Tribune is reporting that the Sate of Illinois wants to enact a new bill that aims to ban texting or talking on the phone while crossing the streets. In Chicago you could get slapped with a misdemeanor and a $25 fine for walking and using a wireless device while crossing the street. Wonder if that covers GPS too?

It’s doubtless that scurrying urbanites are going to realistically change their text walking habits. It’s just so important that we catch up on the gossip about who’s gonna’ win American Idol and the hygiene habits of Suzy at the Starbucks. With much bravado and chicklet fingered confidence, we’ll boldly proclaim with chest thrust forward in triumphant defiance: “That cross-town bus won’t dare turning me into road kill!”

The ER doctors would just like us to pay more attention to our surroundings. They’re used to seeing us in the emergency room with marbles stuck up our nose or complaining that we have a yellow jaundice tinge to our body parts, only to point out we’ve been eating cheetos without washing before we rubbed our “nose.” Happy texting everyone.