Overnight Underground News 01-27-2020

Mongolia is closed till further notice. Philly is infected… Is that redundant? Stock Market jitters in the sh*tter. Hey somebody figured out Greta is white. And yes, you can die of cake.

So sorry, we’re closed. That’s essentially what the State of Mongolia told travelers, due to the continuing mayhem and all around bad news that is the Coronavirus. Reuters is reporting that all universities and educational institutions will remain shut-down until March 2nd. Border crossings and all public gatherings will also be cancelled until further notice. Move along now citizen. Has anyone else pointed out that corona is an anagram of raccoon. Maybe Mongolia should build some kind of wall to protect themselves from the Chinese.

Philly is the latest city to join the Coronavirus hit list. An exchange student from William Penn Charter School, who recently returned from China is suspected of being the latest coronavirus infectee. Health department officials are saying that the results should be available in a few days, but by then everyone will already be dead, so there is that. (byte)

Meanwhile, before opening bell this morning, the stock markets were in a downward spiral over fears that we are all going to die. Prior to the ringing of the opening bell, dow futures were down over 400 points. No worries, everyone is long and on margin, so really, what could possibly go wrong.

Perpetually grumpy climate activist and eco-cult leader Gretta Thurnberg is now catching flack for also being a white person. (byte) According to Buzzfeed, well who else would bother, Ugandan Climate Activist Vanessa Nakate is dismayed that she was cropped out of a photo issued by the Associated Press reporting on climate change stuff from Davos. Maybe it wasn’t a true media blackout, but just the photographer checking his white balance privilege.

Let them eat cake, till they die! An Australian woman crammed so much cake down her pie-hole that she keeled over dead at a cake eating contest. The 60-year-old woman had a seizure and later passed away following the cake cramming competition. Police said the death was not suspicious, but it was delicious. Of course this is more proof that you can’t eat your cake and have it too.

Check out this episode!

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