Overnight Underground News 01-30-2020

Coronavirus is Good 4 US Employment, Putin Supreme Ruler, Popeyes Chic, New York  Needs Bags, Nicks Suck.

US Secretary of Commerce Wilbur Roos stuck his foot so far down his throat that he hit left-wing political outrage gold. Ross said of the coronavirus crisis in China, “I think it will help to accelerate the return of jobs to North America.” Let’s hear it straight from the horse’s ass (byte). Ross made the comment on Fox Business News, during a statement in which he said that he believed that it was nearly impossible for the US to head into a recession this year. Let’s face it, American employment is the truly important factor here, the hell with all those dead people in China. Glad at least we’ve got our priorities straight.

Don’t look now, but the russian government is starting to take their cues from North Korea. According to US News and World Report, a Ruskie government commission has proposed changing Putin’s job title to “Supreme Ruler.” The Kremlin has reportedly issued a “no comment” on the proposal, issued following Putin’s announced desire to change the Russian constitution. Oh come on, why stop there, just make him a full fledged deity why don’t cha’.

This just in, Popeye’s fried chicken has launched their own clothing line. So if you want that fry cook chic look just head to, that look form popeyes dot com. (byte) Grease stains are optional.

That Look From Popeyes

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New Yorkers need to get ready for bagmageddon. That bastion of journalistic integrity The New York Post reports that due to a perfect storm of banning plastic bags in the empire state and a nationwide shortage of paper bags, shoppers will be shit out of luck if they don’t bring their own. The 30 Gristedes and D’Agostino grocery stores in New York CIty ordered paper bags in December but have only received one case per store so far, yea that’s gonna’ work. Look at it this way, you can always steal that box the homeless guy is living in, out back the liquor store, to carry your groceries back to your three thousand dollar a month 450 square foot apartment, that duche broker talked you into.

How much do the Knicks suck? They sucked so bad in last knights game with the Grizzlies that fans at last night’s game chanted “Sell The Team” in unison, over and over, until the sound guy’s at Madison Square Garden turned up the music so loud the “fans” were drowned out by some pop diddy. (byte) I’m not sure, I think that maybe they were chanting for the concession to “Sell Jim Beam”? (byte)

Mike Vorkunov on Twitter

A loud “Sell the team” chant rises up at MSG with Knicks down 18 and a fracas on the court just broken up. MSG starts piping in loud music to break it up. Things are not going well in New York tonight. https://t.co/X9zM0VQ3Vg

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