Overnight Underground News 02-07-2020

Coronavirus Report Your Temperature Citizen. Trump Proves He is a Class Act. Keith Richards Quits… Smoking. Valentine’s Suggestions Including Pickle Bouquets and Love Sausage. Twitter Users Need New Name and Iranian Space Force Uniforms.

Report your temperature citizen. All 11 million inhabitants of China’s Wuhan, the epicenter of the coronavirus outbreak, are being told by authorities to report their daily temperature. Kind of gives new meaning to an alien anal probe. Business Insider reports that readings can be submitted over the phone and via social media apps. If the person has a high temperature, an inspection team will be sent to their home to investigate further. I wonder if they bring along body bags? 

Wuhan is ordering all 11 million residents to report their body temperature every day to combat the coronavirus

Since a fever is a primary symptom of the novel coronavirus tearing its way through Wuhan, China, the city has ordered its 11 million residents to report their body temperatures to health officials daily. The aim, according to a notice issued Thursday, is to “completely cut off transmission at the source.”

Meanwhile, an Australian news site reports that the coronavirus infected are being rounded up and sent to internment camps that resemble war time conditions. That sounds nice. News dot com dot au notes that authorities in Wuhan have been ordered to assemble all those infected. Total cases in China stands at over thirty thousand and the death toll, and this is just the ones they are actually telling us about, is at six hundred and thirty four. You really believe that, come on, not even Joey Tribbiani is that gullible. (byte)

‘It must be cut off from the source’

Authorities in Wuhan have been ordered to immediately round up all coronavirus infected for mass quarantine camps, with a senior Chinese official describing the deadly outbreak as “wartime conditions”. Sun Chunlan, a vice premier in charge of the government response to the outbreak, gave the order to round up the infected and place them in isolation, quarantine or designated hospitals, The New York Times reports.

One day after his impeachment acquittal, President Donald Trump didn’t pull any punches regarding his time in the Congressional limelight. Trump said the entire impeachment drama was, well let’s hear it straight from the horse’s mouth. (byte) Trump also had a few choice words for Robert Muller and the FBI intelegencia, calling them (byte). Trump, what a class act. 

A defiant Trump takes grievance-filled victory lap at “celebration” of Senate acquittal

Washington – With little left to hold him back now, President Trump aired his profanity-laced grievances and declared victory over not just the impeachment saga that has forever marked his legacy, but over everyone and everything that has stood in his way since he took office.

Holy shit, it must be a sign on the end times, but the Rolling Stones Keith Richard says he’s given up smoking. RIchards made the shocking confession to New York radio personality Jim Kerr. Damn, I guess we won’t get to see the iron lung tour after all. 

Keith Richards Finally Quit Smoking Ahead Of New Rolling Stones U.S. Tour | iHeartRadio

The Rolling Stones are returning to the U.S. this spring in what Mick Jagger and Keith Richards are characterizing as a continuation of last year’s ‘No Filter’ tour. After breaking the tour news Thursday morning in an interview with Q104.3 New York’s Jim Kerr , Richards explained that he’s taken another step in his ongoing resolution to get healthier and to keep rocking.

What better way to show your sweetheart how much you care on Valentines Day, then giving her, her very own… love sausage. I know, it’s supposed to be a family show, but yea, the love sausage is a real thing. The Daily Mail reports that retailer M&S is bringing back its famed heart-shaped Valentine’s Day love sausage. Do I have to be the first one to point out that if your love sausage is heart shaped, you should probably get to a doctor… stat. (find byte)

M&S is bring back its famed ‘Love Sausage’ for Valentines Day

Product will be in shops across the UK from Friday and cost £6 for 458g portion M&S have also launched the ‘Give a Little Love’ Sausage, a 240g twin pack for £5 Amused shoppers have made some very rude jokes about the cheekily named product on social media this morning M&S have delighted shoppers by bringing back its famed ‘love sausage’ for Valentine’s Day.

Maybe your sig-other is more of a sourpus, no worries, Boston-based pickle company Grillo’s PIckles is offering a pickle bouquet. Consisting of an empty 32-ounce pickle container, 15 wooden skewers, floral foam, ribbon, cellophane, a folded card for your loved one – and a coupon for a free jar of Grillo’s pickles. It’s only 25 bucks and you can order it online at the company’s web site. Let’s see… Roses are Red Violets are Blue, I got you a gherkin, I twerked one for you. 

Pickle bouquet: Company selling a delicious DIY alternative for Valentine’s Day

Forget roses or chocolate. Nothing shows a loved one how much you really care like a bouquet of pickles. Grillo’s Pickles, a Boston-based pickle company offering the unique bouquet, knows that any pickle lover would love nothing more than to get a Valentine’s Day gift filled with their favorite snack.

Twitter wants to call its users something other than… users. According to Engadget, the company is seeking to stop calling the people who use its platform “users.” Of course the obvious answer is to call them twits, or twats. Twidiots is good. Twunts works for me. Suckers and stooges seems to fit. Oh heck, let’s just call a spade a spade, we all know they’re just self absorbed attention whores. 

Twitter doesn’t want to call its users ‘users’ anymore

It’s part of an initiative to make Twitter a happier, cuddlier place to be, with the usual boast that it’s shrunk the number of ” unhealthy” tweets on the service. That includes a 27 percent decline in “bystander reports,” on Tweets that violate the company’s code of conduct.

Iran’s space program is a real horror show, no really, it might as well be halloween for Iranian astronauts. According to the War Zone, Iran’s Minister of Information and Communications Technology Tweeted, or is it twatted, a picture of their countries new spacesuit for Iranian astronauts. It didn’t take long for sleuths to figure out it was actually a cheap Halloween costume available for a mere 20 bucks online. Who knew the Ayatollah had his very own Amazon account.

Iranian Minister Tried To Pass Off A $20 Halloween Costume As A Real Spacesuit

The propensity of the Iranian regime to make often laughably hyperbolic claims about their technological achievements is nothing new, but some of the most absurd claims seem to routinely revolve around the country’s ostensible ambitions to become a power in space.

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