Overnight Underground News May 18th 2020

The Overnight Underground Podcast, here’s the headlines:

Big gains on the Dow. White House wags its finger. Michigan’s squirt gun priest and your cat is a stone cold killer. These stories & more coming up on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Big gains on the Dow

The Dow is kicking ass and taking names today, with US markets up over nine hundred points mid-day. CNBC reports the gains are due to the news that possible vaccines could be on the way for coronavirus. Massachusetts based Moderna has gone on record that early results from their Covid-19 trial vaccines are showing promise. All forty five participants in the trials developed antibodies against the virus.  Needless to say, Moderna’s stock price has also been a gainer today, up around forty percent. Can anyone say pump and dump? 

White House pointy little finger

The Trump White House is now pointing fingers at the CDC for failings in the battle against coronavirus. CNN reports that the finger wagging coming from the administration is squarely aimed as an rationalism  for the Covid-19 death toll.  White House Trade Advisor Peter Navarro on CNN. Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar also proposed yesterday that underlying health conditions was one reason for the lofty American death toll.

Communion squirt gun

The power of the squirt gun compels you. A priest at Saint Andrews Parish in Grosse Pointe, Michigan not only got into the spirit of the drive by church service, Father Tim Pelc took it a step further. NBC’s Today and other outlets are reporting that the priest, during holy week a little over a month ago, used a squirt gun to bless parishioners with holy water. (squirt squirt) Pelc said, quote: “”You can’t double dip into the holy water container. I thought, what could I do that would keep the quarantine restrictions going and give kids the experience of Easter?” Undoubtedly not the first time a priest gave the kids the old 

Enquiring Minds soon won’t know

We’re not quite sure how you are going to survive this next story, but The Daily Beast is reporting, that bastion of journalism, The National Enquirer, is about to shit the bed. How will we ever find out about UFO’s, Aliens and Obama, Elvis, Michael Jackson and OJ’s shoes if the Enquirer goes out of business? 

Your cat is a murderer

Your cat is a cold blooded killer. A new Australian study, as reported by LAD Bible, housecats who strut their stuff outside of the home, are stone cold killers. The study, published in Wildlife Research, notes that a single domesticated pet cat is capable of snuffing the lives of up to 186 reptiles, birds and mammals in just one year. Dalmer would have been envious.  In the lifetime of a cat, that’s over eight thousand victims snuffed out by your adorable little serial killer. Honestly, cat’s should be categorized as biological weapons and controlled by the Geneva Convention. 

Hey what happen’ to Fred Willard

Comedic intellect Fred Willard died over the weekend. Maybe most known these days for his role in the sitcom Modern Family, Willard was also known for his many roles in the mocumentaries of Christopher Guest, including Best in Show, A Mighty Wind and Waiting for Guffman.  Willard was eighty six. 

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