Overnight Underground News June 8th 2020

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

Refund the police, oh wait, that’s defund the police. In New York the murder rate is on the rise. The cancel culture racks up at least three over the weekend. Your Sims may have STD’s and no donut discounts for the po po in Rhode Island. 

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

Bad cop no money

The city of Minneapolis has come up with a novel way to deal with rioting, looting and what now seems like perpetual protesting, they’re going to disband the police department. Come to think about it, what better way to lower crime rates than to dismantle and defund the police. No police, no reported crime. Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender told CNN  Wait, that’s the wrong Bender. That’s Minneapolis Council President Lisa Bender, saying the same thing twice. I wonder how many times she rehearsed that? So what do they do next without a police department? According to Bender, the city will move police funding toward community-based strategies and the city council will hold discussions on how to replace the current police department. Wait, she’s admitting they’re scrapping the police department and they don’t know what they’re actually going to replace it with? Hey, there’s been a homicide, quick, send in the social workers. I wonder how Walmart and Target will feel about rebuilding their stores in Minneapolis, with them being guarded by the city council and social workers?

Murder rates rise in New York

Meanwhile in New York City with the protests and lootings of the last week, shootings and murders rose dramatically in the big apple. The New York Post reports that compared to the same period last year murders nearly tripled  From Sunday to Monday there were thirteen murders in New York city and forty shootings. At least one shooting in the city was allegedly attributable to looting when one alleged looter was shot by another alleged looter, allegedly in SoHo during the alleged rioting and looting in New Looterville, allegedly formerly known as New York. Allegedly. 

New York Times cancels editor

The cancel culture has been working overtime in the media over the weekend. At the New York Times the Editorial Page Editor, James Bennet, resigned following the paper publishing an op-ed from Republican Senator Tom Cotton. According to The Hill, the newspaper’s announcement of the resignation did not mention the controversy over the Cotton op-ed. The Times must think we’re all idiots not admitting that the two aren’t related. 

Philadelphia Inquirer cancels editor

The top editor of The Philadelphia Inquirer also resigned over the weekend. Stan Wischnowski fell on his sword following the printing of an article with the headline “Buildings Matter, Too.” Maybe they should have titled it “Black Buildings Matter, Too”.The paper printed an apology and said they were sorry because some found the article offensive. I agree, it’s time to put an end to printing anything that might possibly offend someone, it’s just criminal. I’d say they should be arrested, but once we abolish the police, who’s going to arrest them? I know, send in the social workers. 

Variety cancels editor

Meanwhile, over at Variety,  Editor in Chief Claudia Eller has been placed on administrative leave. This comes after a heated exchange on Twitter, wait is there any other kind, over the lack of newsroom diversity. I’d give you the gory details, but let’s just say someone is offended and angry over something and blah, blah, blah ad infinitum ad nauseam. 

JK Rowling called on carpet over belief in biological sex

JK Rowling is next on the cancel culture weekend list. It seems the  Harry Potter author has stopped her tiptoeing around the mirky pseudo-scientific world of biological sex. Rowling Tweeted over the weekend, among other things, that ” If sex isn’t real, the lived reality of women globally is erased.” Needless to say the Trans community, was, wait for it, offended. Yea, the twitter outrage squad have called the tweets “anti-trans” and “transphobic.” I know, let’s force her to get a hysterectomy and buy her a pair of truck nuts and start calling her Joe, that will teach that f**king TERF. My question is, if biological sex isn’t real, why do people feel the need to transition from one unreality to another? 


Sims catch STD’s

Your Sim’s may have the clap. A new update to Sims 4 has apparently given urinating sims flaming pee. The gaming website RPS notes the latest update does indeed give Sims depending on how you look at it, either a new superpower or an STD, fire piss. It seems that it doesn’t matter if you stand up or sit down to do your duty, the fire is still there. That’s what she said. Some redditors have noted that the fire pee seems to happen if the bathroom and hence the toilet is above the kitchen. Maybe it’s a gas leak or something. Either way, shit, or in this case, piss, does indeed roll down hill.  

Chinese man’s butt is fishy

In China, a man recently had to have a fish removed from his rectum. The Daily Mail reports a 30-year-old man had doctors remove a whole fish from his rectum after he said he sat on it by accident. The doctors made the fishy discovery after the man was admitted to the hospital for severe abdominal pain. I wonder if it was billy bass? Then he’d really be talking out his ass. 

Cops to pay full price for diabetes

In Rhode Island it really is bad cop no donut time. Allie’s Donuts, in North Kingstown, Rhode Island, recently announced via Instagram that they will no longer be offering discounts to police officers or members of the military. Why? Because of recent accusations of racism and injustice against the local police department of course. It goes without saying that people are outraged and hurt all the way around. Me, I have a dream that one day that it will become self-evident that all of God’s donuts are created equally delicious. Until then, no crullers, no peace, no discount for the police. 

Assault by burger

Wait, this might be a new one, assault by hamburger. TSG reports that a Florida woman assaulted her beau with a burger that started with an argument over an open window in the couples trailer. Wow, there is so much wrong with that sentence I just wouldn’t know where to begin. Anyway, according to the report, 47-year-old Tanya Cordero denies the assault by burger, but the cops say there were still hamburger remnants in the alleged assaulted man’s  ear when the cops arrived. Cordero was charged with domestic battery and later released from jail on her own recognizance. It’s not the first time Cordero has been in trouble with the cops for assaulting her partner, in January, she was convicted of battering her boyfriend over their children’s Halloween costumes and served three months in jail.

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