Overnight Underground News June 23rd 2020

The Overnight Underground News Podcast, here’s today’s headlines: 

The EU may ban Americans. Fauchi testifies before Congress. Mel Gibson and Jimmy Kimmel, meet cancel culture. Greta on black lives matter and your cat may be a cock blocker

These stories and more on today’s Overnight Underground News. I’m John Ford.  

The EU wants you to stay home. 

If you were thinking about traveling to Europe, you better do it quick. News today that EU countries are considering a ban of American’s allegedly due to failure of Merican’ authorities to control the coronavirus. DNYUZ reports that this would lump American’s in with Russians and Brazilians as banned travelers to the European Union. EU officials are currently negotiating over their ban list. Oh heck, with the bureaucracy in the EU, it will probably be next year before they figure it all out. Still, one thing is for sure, they really do hate America, so maybe they can agree on that. 

Fauchi lectures other old white men 

Doctor Fauchi is back, and he’s not spreading good news. Fauchi told Congress basically  that the US is a really big place  and that while some parts of the US are doing better battling the pandemic, other areas are pretty much screwed. Lot’s of FUD from the little infectious Italian man on Capitol Hill. 

Mel Gibson canceled

Today’s celebrity entering the revolving and revolting door of the cancel culture is, wait for it, Mel Gibson. Variety reports that former Beverly Hills shoplifter and all around creepy Hollywood ****  Winona Ryder has accused Mel Gibson of making anti-semetic and homophobic remarks. According to Winona, Gibson allegedly said at a party regarding folks of the Jewish persuasion, ‘You’re not an oven dodger, are you?’ I’ll bet that went over like a led balloon. Of course Gibson denies the whole thing. But what does it matter, in the court of public opinion lorded over by the new orthodoxy and religious dogma of cancel culture, we are all guilty until proven innocent. And by then, it’s too late and you’re already screwed.  In completely unrelated news, Mel Gibson has been replaced in his voice over role in the next installment of the animated feature Chicken Run. How will he cope?!

Jimmy Kimmel canceled

But wait, there’s more. Jimmy Kimmel is also on the cancel culture chopping block today. According to HNHH News, Kimmel allegedly said the word which can not be uttered and also wore blackface at one point in his existence. There are also allegations of some kind of silly  inappropriate behaviour with an underage Megan Fox. 

Black face Oh Fey

Let’s see, what else. Tina Fey is doing her best celebrity virtue signaling and requesting that episodes of 30 Rock featuring blackface be erased. My god, isn’t she just a glorious example of Hollywood exceptionalism and sainthood to model our meaningless lives after? Fey said in Variety magazine: “I apologize for pain they have caused. Going forward, no comedy-loving kid needs to stumble on these tropes and be stung by their ugliness.” Didn’t someone once say, comedy is not pretty? Tina, just go stick your head in a bucket of creosote and inhale deeply already. 

Thus Spake Greta

Today’s sound byte of the day, comes from the high priest and grand social justice supreme  commissioner of the kindly inquisition, Greta Thornberg, smacking down her two cents on the black lives matter movement. Our lord and saviour, seventeen year old saint Greta Thornberg on the BBC. If you really think about it objectively, people look up and listen to her as if she has the wisdom of Nietzsche or the Dali Lama. When in truth, she hasn’t even finished high school yet, and I should listen to her words of wisdom? But you all go right ahead and enjoy your shared psychotic delusional disorder. 

Apple Watch is watching you masturbate

Maybe you’ve heard that one of the new features of the Apple Watch is that it can now let you know when to wash your hands.  So it begs the question, is the Apple Watch just like ceiling cat, and paying attention to when you masturbate? If so, one has to wonder what the fruity computer company is doing with all of that jerky data. Yea, I know, we do hear there is a fap for that.  Nothing quite says I love you, more than getting an Apple Watch and a Shake Weight for your birthday.

Women hate your pussy, cat

Men, if you have a cat as a pet, the research shows that you’re less likely to get any action. A new study from Colorado State University notes women are less likely to even consider dating some looser who owns a cat. So for god’s sake, don’t put pictures of you and your cat online if you want a right swipe. Men who have pictures online with their pussy are viewed as less masculine; more neurotic and less dateable. CBSN Denver reports that the study points out that, “Women prefer men with ‘good genes’ and that clearly, the presence of a cat diminishes that perception.” Besides, men with cat’s probably sport a man bun. 

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